Keep it Real Wednesday

May 18, 2022

You give me everything

One of the last times I was at church with Rosemary months before she passed away, “Everything”, by Lauren Daigle played during the service.  I have a memory of my mom holding my hand tightly, squeezing it and sharing space as our eyes locked for a second as we sang the song.  It was a beautiful moment but at the time I minimized the interaction.  The song after all was about God and how He provides everything for us. It wasn’t about a mother-daughter relationship, but I wouldn’t realize the full impact of that moment until months later.

Then, last week as I sat in church listening to this same song again, recalling that exact moment months ago; her touch, her soft and gravelly voice singing next to me and the moment we locked eyes in that song, I realized that my mom had left me a precious gift.

I found myself with elephant tears, a near ugly cry as I sang the words and reflected

Caregiving is hard. It is really hard. This last year was not without difficulties as we navigated through Mom’s health and also Wade’s multiple myeloma treatments and stem cell transplant.

As much as I thought I could steer the waters smoothly, there are times I have regrets, an unpleasant tone, an unkind thought, or word or perhaps a bike ride we didn’t take. This is the underbelly of caregiving; what we do with our minds after the person we care for passes.

But as I sat there in church this week listening to this song, I realized one of the last gifts Rosemary gave me was PEACE with this song and to release me from any regret I might feel. 

“When I can’t see.  You lead me”

“When I can’t hear.  You show me”

When I can’t stand. You carry me”

When I’m lost.  You will find me”

When I’m weak. You are mighty”

“You are everything I need’

“Everything” and the moment Rosemary sang it beside me is a precious gift I shall always treasure.

To all of you caregivers out there who sometimes struggling to put one foot in front of another, be gentle with yourselves.  

You ARE doing great.

You lead, you show, you carry, you search, and you are strong.   You ARE everything your family needs.

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