Keep it Real Wednesday
December 9, 2020
Today’s message was written a few days ago about Pearl Harbor and Rosemary’s experiences but then I decided to change direction this morning.
Today is about Me.
It’s about Jill. Rosemary’s daughter.
And I am not okay.
If this blog is going to live up to its name “Keep it real”, then here comes the raw stuff.
It’s hard being a fulltime 24/7 care provider.
Some days are better than others. The ups are welcome and cherished (such as our Blessing Bike time). The downs are tolerated until they seem to topple like an unstable Jenga tower.
I reflected today on care providing for someone at the end of their life and concluded it is like driving a new car.
In the early days of care providing, I thought I could see my journey clearly through the windshield of my new car. The miles ahead of me were exciting. I was energized, enthusiastic and felt humbled and prepared for whatever may come my way as a care provider.
Then at 5 years into driving the care providing car fulltime, the tires started to wear and unwelcomed rocks pop up and hit my windshield and creates large chips. I still keep driving, all the while struggling to look around the large rock chips. At times I trick myself into ignoring the rock chips because I can see clearly MOST of the team. But then, the sun will painfully shine a light on one of the rock chips and cause an unbearable glare. It is then, I can become momentarily blinded and struggle.
But I keep driving.
Soon the rock chips travels across the windshield until it is no longer safe to see clearly. The rock chips are no longer a chip, it is a full crack visible not only to me, but to everyone I meet as well. It becomes clearly evident that I must replace the windshield to have clear and safe vision.
Friends, care providing is truly tough stuff. I would say “ask any care provider and they will tell how tough it is” but that would be a lie. They don’t complain, they just keep driving that car with the cracks, chips and well-worn windshields.
All in the name of LOVE.
I love Rosemary with all of my being but being a daughter and 24/7 care provider is tough stuff.
I can do better about being real about this.
I can do better about asking for help.
I can do better about taking care of myself so I can better care for her.
Maybe someone somewhere needed to hear this too.
Much love to you all,